Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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