fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
