Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
