Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
