we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
