Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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