I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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