He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
