He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
