Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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