Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
