did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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