Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
