In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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