have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
