the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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