Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
