I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
