you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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