i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
