i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
