Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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