planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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