where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
