Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
