I bet he comes in French.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I just put wine in my tea
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My vagina is very pro this idea
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
