the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
