do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
