The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
