Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
