If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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