My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
