my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
