How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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