I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
