you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
