the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
