I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
