I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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