Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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