; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
