So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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