My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
