there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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