i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
