Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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