so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I checked into jail on foursquare
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
