...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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