Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
