I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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